Gloomy Tuesday

One of those days you wish would fly away,

A day I call a Gloomy Tuesday,

Defined my life, turned it around,

Phantasma of sorts, worse and beyond,

Don't know which side I woke up,

Don't know if I even woke up on the bed,

But at the end of the day I knew I was screwed,

One hand on the hip another on the head.

One of those days, when I wish the sun didn't shine,

One of those days, I wish would go ahead of time,

One of those days, I wish never came,

Am just hoping, it just doesnot come back again.

Put on my digs and ran out of my room real fast,

Slipped down the stairs, day didn't start off with a blast,

Hurt my back, wish I didn't run so swift,

Out of my house and into dog shit !!

And it was then that I asked, how worse could it get,

Wish o I wish, I didn't call my fate to the bet,

Ran down the stairs again, I jumped the machine,

Beat two women to the metro before the doors could close in,

The painful bruise and the stink left behind,

I looked into the future, got it off my mind.

My head, now did realise, two stations too late,

I got on the wrong side,

All the running had gone to waste,

A gloomy result, of unneeded haste.

But the gloomy Tuesday had just begun,

Fate had been challenged, and now it was going to have some fun,

Got chucked out of class and tore my shirt,

Ended up fighting, a bad attempt at flirt,

Came home all sad and broken,

All my energy gone, worried and shaken,

Switched on the T.V. and it broke down too,

A day had begun, now it had made me rue.

Tried to sleep but woke up to a ring,

The phone bill had come, bling bling bling,

My dad was mad at me,

While fate smiled away wryly.

I still don't know if it was the bed,

Or is it something in my head,

But every week in and out again,

After a Monday and before a Wednesday,

The Gloomy Tuesdays return to haunt my life again.

Random Rhyme

When the nights are dark,

When the clouds in the sky begin to spark,

When the sky begins to cry,

The moments when you really want to die,

When you feel there is no one around you,

When you feel there is the need to go,

Far away, to a place, far away from the madding crowd,

When you know without a speck of doubt,

When you know that nothing can help you out, no matter what you do,

When you know, the enemy is going to get to you,

When you know you can run but you cannot hide,

When you know a lie is a lie, black or white,

When you little time is there,

Close your eyes, feel the fear,

Let it loose, feel the blood gushing in,

Let your soul feel the wind,

Do not cry, but cry then if you must,

Do not worry, but worry if you must,

For the end is near,

Nothing can save you from dying, where there is fear,

Or else you could believe in Him,

And see yourself walk out of hell, even when the hope is dim, the smile is grim.....when the chances are slim.

Man without a spine

Being born rich was not a choice, it was a chance,

Closed in a closet, lost in a trance...

Cut my nerves let me bleed;

Hang me from the walls...there ain't no need;

For a man without a spine, without a life, without an eye..

When I can't have what's mine..

There ain't no need for a man without a spine

In the trenches of time, falling from the sky..

There was a need to die, a need to sigh,

To feel the pain that was meant to be mine, the pain meant to make me cry

But for a man without a spine, there ain't no pain,

There ain't no time....when I can't have what's mine

Cause there ain't no need for a man without a spine.

As the man, the man with the hoe, the man without a spine,

Stood looking far into the twilight, without a clue,

Without a hint for what the future held for him, for the decree had been passed,

To kill the man without the spine,

But then who would hoe the land, who would kill the time ?

Who cares ? There ain't no need for a man without a spine.

Walking through the savanna, looking right into the sun,

Walking through the marsh, walking right into the mud,

Walking into the quick sand, drowning into it, without a whine,

That's how he chose to die, the man without a spine,

For he knew his words meant nothing to no one,

He knew there ain't no need for a man without a spine.

Will keep trying..

I distinctly remember, it was a mournful night, things weren't nice from the beginning itself, it spelt sadness, my mother, who had not been keeping well for somewhile now, went into the kitchen. As the whistles of the cooker blew, there was a thud, a sad thud, and then everyone was running around, my mom was lying in front of me with her eyes closed, I was crying, and this was just the beginning. She had been prescribed with severe jaundice, it had spread into the blood, now I would have to stare at my mother from far away and everytime, I tried to find a passage to her, someone would stop me, no one cared about how much she needed me by her side, and I was not there, I could not help her, I was just being a loser all over again, who would just cry infront of idols, that never spoke, but did assure me, things would be fine, and things did get better, but only for that moment. For the next two years she was fine.

I had come home from school, my mother had picked me up from the bus stop, she seemed uneasy, we came home, and she broke into unstoppable vomit attacks, she was being asthmatic, I was panicing, crying again as usual, wondering what to do, I called my father. Everyone was running again. And then that familiar smell now of the laboratories. High degree of germs, the doctor said they were cough germs, I do not know what it means, what was wrong. It was in the blood again. She continued to suffer. And I just cried.

Two years, it was going to be an eventful Tuesday morning, my father had decided he would offer his prayers to Lord Hanuman, in whose name, he had been fasting for the last 20 years of his life, every Tuesday, not a drop of water, till late in the evening. My mom was supposed to cook. She was going to make the prasad. Churma, my favourite. She woke up. We did too. She could not move her left hand. I did not know what to do. Of course, there were people running again. It was paralysis. Deltoid Paralysis, I distinctly remember the Orthopaedic say, I remember his name too, but I won't take his name. This time she was sent to Chennai. I, was kept away again. 15 days without my mother. My dad was weeping and I was weeping. She was there and we were here. My dad had to arrange for the cash. She was going to get operated. A high profile operation. A disc was going to be removed. They removed it. She came off the train. Holding an orange teddy for me, knowing how much I loved soft toys, a bit of girl in me you could say. Her neck had a stand. I don't even know what it was. It was hideous. Sad. The supports increased. She was now prescribed with Spondlyosis now.

Pain killers. Physiotherapy. Traction. Nothing has worked till date. The pain killers had adverse effect. She has a weaker kidney now. She cannot eat every pain killer in the world now. She has diabetes. She cannot take tension now. Walking on the roads, she has to sit down. Because, she cannot walk further. But now, I do not cry. Because I am there for her. I need to make her smile. I need her beside me. I try every day to make her a happier person, and I will all my life. Everyday I assure her, I will make everything go back to normal. She believes me. She smiles.

Things are even worse now. The pain killers have been stopped. Her kidney cannot take it. She just has to bear the pain. But she tries. So I try too.

I do not intend on showing what a sad life my mother has. I just want people to stop crying like I decided to, and make things happen. My mother being sick is not the only sad part in my life. But that does not give me an excuse to give up. It only gives me a reason to try even harder. And I will. I hope if you are reading this, you will too...try a little bit harder, to make the people close to you smile, for it is what we do in our life, that goes on to live till eternity.

Been a long time

Been a long time since I wrote something new,

Been a long time I wrote for you,

Lost and dazed in the world you left me,

Been looking for new words, but the words are few..

Been a long time since the time we met,

Been a long time its been a really long wait,

Looking for the way out of the world you left me in,

Been trying to start at the same place, the place you left....

Been a long time since I heard your voice and saw you smile,

Been a long time I have been wearing this guile,

Waiting for the long years to end,

Been waiting for the days to pass, trying to get out of exile....

Been a long time since you touched me, oh how i miss that touch,

Been a long time I haven't felt you, crime was it such ?

Its a really tough job to get you out of mind,

Been trying to ward you off, just that I miss you very much....

Been a long time wondering, if you miss me too,

Been a long time you parted ways and we became two,

I really wish things would fall back in place again,

Been a long time I told how much I love you....

Been a really long time, I cried..

All these days all I have done is tried...

Been a long time you have ignored me,

Repented have I long now, no more will I be denied...

So I close my eyes, now you can come and touch me

Come hug me, kiss me, O' just embrace me,

So that we can live those moments again,

Its been a really long time you see....